Manning's decision to attend UT over Ole 'Miss belies racial ignorance

Peyton Manning was the lone male member of the Manning clan (yes, I'll avoid the obvious pun) to have played his college football anywhere but Ole 'Miss. A tremendous quarterback at Tennessee, Manning has gone on to an even more successful professional career in the NFL and led the Indianapolis Colts to victory in last year's Superbowl. His great accomplishments on the field, awkwardly large head and generally uncharismatic demeanor make him the perfect candidate for a major advertising campaign, and if you weren't sick of his MasterCard and Sprint spots last year, then you probably weren't watching television.

(look at that noggin' -- it's as big as a football!)

Earlier today, I saw Manning's latest MasterCard commercial, part of the new "Manning's Priceless Pep Talks" campaign. In the ads, Manning delivers a pep talk that addresses whatever ails you, sort of like the pep talk he gave his offensive line after a playoff loss to Pittsburgh.

I would have embedded a clip of the new ad spot, but I couldn't find it online yet. However, here is a synopsis of the first "Pep Talk" commercial, called "Social Life," from YahooFinance:

In "Social Life," Manning attempts to help out the socially inept by enlisting a teammate (Derek) to demonstrate a few dance moves that should prove useful when out on the town.

"Social life in the dumps?" Manning asks. "Maybe what you need is a few new dance moves. Hey Derek, show 'em what you got."

At this point Manning's teammate Derek begins his dance but is quickly told to shut it down when Peyton thinks he is going a bit too far. "Alright stop. Stop, that's enough. Seriously, you're gonna hurt yourself."

What the brief recap doesn't mention is that "Derek" is African-American. Am I the only one who finds this advertisement incredibly disturbing? I don't want to indulge in any stereotyping of my own and suggest that Southerners are any more racist than Northerners (despite the snarky title to my post), but a commercial that revolves around Manning and his thick southern accent lauding the dance moves of a black teammate whom he can literally order in and out of the practice seems a little dicey.

I always thought that ad companies tend to err on the side of caution when it comes to the fuzzy line separating the politically correct from the offensive (except for gender, where "caution" equals "sexism"). Frankly, I'm surprised that MasterCard was so cavalier with this new ad, one that reminds me more of the Sambo doll scene from Ellison's Invisible Man than the benefits of MasterCard.

I guess times are changing and insensitive must be the new sexy. Well, you know me -- I'd rather cash in on the change than worry too much about morality or justice or any of that stuff. So, without further ado, here are my ideas for inappropriate advertisements.

[Warning: I'm going for really offensive here. If you're easily offended by the offensively offensive, proceed at your own risk. But do remember, it's all a joke prompted by the reality that MasterCard went ahead with the "Social Life" spot.]

Clorox Advertisement Featuring the Ku Klux Klan- "How to get your whites really white."

Any Bank Advertisement- The screen opens to a bank lobby. Every teller position is manned by a middle-aged, male Hasidic Jew. A spokesperson promises "Our bank is so careful with your money, you'll think the entire place is run by Jews."

Mothers Against Drunk Driving- Scene opens to an idyllic, nineteenth century pub in the Irish back country. Affable Celts bid each other a drunken farewell and go outside to hitch up their wagons. As they all try to leave, each as inebriated than the other, a violent crash ensues between their horse carts. The narrator says, "Don't be Irish. Don't drink and drive."

Mandarin Oriental Hotels- A couple gets off an airplane. Waiting in the arrival area where everyone else catches taxis or a bus, there is a sedan chair. They ride the sedan chair, carried by a couple shirtless and swarthy locals, to the Mandarin Oriental Hotel. Various scenes of their luxurious stay are accompanied by images of local workers in abject conditions sweating to meet the couple's every need. The last scene is a dinner where the husband proposes on a moonlit dining terrace as a worker is caned below. Fade to black with the slogan "Mandarin Oriental, the true colonial experience."

Another MasterCard Peyton Manning Advertisement- The spot opens with the above clip of Manning throwing his offensive line under the bus. In the next scene, the entire offensive line tells Manning they're quitting. Manning wonders aloud, "Who will do the jobs no one else wants to do?" Cut to a scene in the middle of a football game. The entire Colts offensive line is played by Manning (digitally reproduced), only they are dressed to ridiculous Mexican stereotypes (ponchos, sombreros, thick black mustaches). "Normal" Manning takes the snap and says, "I found these guys just across the border!" He throws a touchdown and the camera zooms to one of the "Mexican" Manning offensive lineman. In his worst Mexican accent, he declares, "Good thing he had MasterCard, accepted in hundreds of countries, amigo." Follows with weaselly laugh.

Hitler as the New "Mr. Clean."- No description necessary.