Power Rankings

A weekly look at the bestseller lists, arbitrarily reordered according to how they SHOULD be doing (with the main criterion being how quickly I can generate a mildly amusing one-liner)

Books

1. The Wheel of Darkness, by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child (NYT chart position: #2)
NYT description: "A Tibetan abbot asks the F.B.I. agent Aloysius Pendergast to help recover a stolen relic with evil powers."

• But the partnership goes awry when the abbot, wearied by the agent's ungainly and ludicrous name, begins to refer to him by nicknames like "Alloy" and "Penderghastly."
  

2. Dark Possession, by Christine Freehan (NYT chart position: #3)
NYT description: "A Seattle counselor for battered women is wooed by a shape-shifter in Brazil; the 18th Carpathian novel."

• I don't care if he's sensitive, a good listener, can cook or is a God in bed, "shape-shifting" is a deal breaker. If I wake up in the morning with some girl cuddled up next to me in the form of a lemur or something, the seduction is over.
  

3. Bones to Ashes, by Kathy Reichs (NYT chart position: #4)
NYT description: "The forensic anthropologist Temperance Brennan is asked to examine the skeleton of a young girl in Canada, where, many years ago, her best friend disappeared."

• Man, I wonder if the skeleton is her friend. Wouldn't that be a surprise?
  

4. The Elves of Cintra, by Terry Brooks (NYT chart position: #5)
NYT description: "The second volume of the Genesis of Shannara series is set in postapocalyptic Seattle."

• This description is kind of confusing. "Postapocalyptic Seattle" actually refers to Seattle after 1992, when Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain were actually allowed to have a child.
  

5. Lord John and the Brotherhood of the Blade, by Diana Gabaldon (NYT chart position: #8)
NYT description: "During the Seven Years’ War, Lord John Grey is haunted by his father’s murder 17 years earlier."

• This book is actually a powerful tale about being haunted by the past. For example, while Lord John is busy being haunted by his father's murder, all the peasants he conscripted into his army are haunted by the war that has been going on for seven goddamn years.

Note: due to the low volume of new releases in recent weeks, there will be no Film Power Rankings this week. Instead, enjoy the new Iron Man trailer. The rumor is that Robert Downey, Jr.'s salary was paid in coke.

Here's the medium sized trailer.