Cracking the Code

Screenwriter Akiva Goldsman is apparently working at breakneck speed to complete a script to The Da Vinci Code sequel, er, prequel, Angels and Demons. Also based on a Dan Brown novel, Angels and Demons predates The Da Vinci Code and centers on a highly plausible scenario in which a secret society called the Illuminati attempt to blow up the Vatican. Goldsman currently faces a November 1st deadline, when Hollywood writers are planning to execute their proletarian duty to strike.

(What? I'm a sucker for improbable conspiracy theories . . . and turtlenecks. I just LOVE turtlenecks!)

I think this is a cop-out. I don't care whether Dan Brown has or hasn't written a sequel to his smash hit The Da Vinci code. I mean, can't we make one up? The only thing I want to know about Robert Langdon's past is why he chose that hideous haircut. Otherwise, I live in the now. What has happened to him since his close encounter with a direct descendant of Jesus Christ? Does he have a new car? Did he lose his "symbology" chair? Did he come out of the closet like Dumbledore? I need to know!

Here's my idea for a real sequel. Call it The Klimt Code:

While visiting Salt Lake City, Robert Langdon finds himself accused of a crime he didn't commit. As he frantically scrambles to clear his name, he becomes entangled in a quest to discover a secret that could unravel the foundations of the Church of Latter Day Saints. Caught in a dangerous power play between the police, polygamists, and generally backward mountain folk, our hero must track clues left by turn of the century Austrian symbolist Gustav Klimt in order solve a historical riddle on which his life depends.

Done. Cut me in for half, Mr. Goldsman.