Power Rankings: 'Twas the Season . . .

How can we start the new year here at Creative Differences without taking a look back at all the huge holiday releases? As Hollywood learned long ago, nothing says "Hey hey! Jesus is born!" like a blockbuster action film. That's why the elves of the editing room and the santas of sound work tirelessly each year to deliver bloated, over-budgeted goodies to our 20 screen multiplex stockings. (Note: stockings cost $10, seniors $8. Coal is an additional $4 for a medium, $6 for large with free refills).

I was worried it would be tough to dig up info on release dates for various Christmas films, but -- lo and behold -- "Holiday Movies" do really constitute an American tradition. Thanks, Entertainment Weekly.com!

1. The Golden Compass (worldwide gross to date: $301,364,818)

• Based on Philip Pullman's wildly popular His Dark Materials trilogy, this film only grossed $67,513,776 in the United States, versus $233,851,042 worldwide. I guess that means Americans are far less nerdy than the rest of the world. So quit yapping about Iraq you international dweebs! Foreign occupation is the coolest! (And, uh, we'll be needing that lunch money of yours to fund it).

2. I Am Legend (worldwide gross to date: $461,683,451)

• This film, based on a classic sci-fi novel of the same name, is about a miracle cure for cancer that mutates into a virus and kills most of the human population, while transforming the remaining few into rabid monsters. Will Smith plays Robert Neville, a military doctor immune to the virus who desperately searches for a cure in a desolated New York. In pre-production, Smith was originally commissioned to compose the theme music for the film:

Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you all about how science recklessly introduced a deadly virus into the human population, killing most of it, robbing me of everything I love and forcing me into a tenuous existence among a pack of vampiric monsters . . .

3. National Treasure: Book of Secrets (worldwide gross to date: $289,196,904)

• We preemptively lampooned this film on Creative Differences months ago, but the truth is that the only secret worth investigating is who cut Nicholas Cage's hair. And Harvey Keitel's. No, seriously. What's the deal here?

4. Sweeney Todd (domestic gross to date: $44,053,400)

• On the perversity of releasing a blood spattered musical during the holidays, director Tim Burton admitted the film, a love story about a barber turned homicidal maniac, would be better suited to Valentine's Day: "For me, it sort of sums up relationships . . . Although people might be horrified by that." From most directors, Tim, you're probably right. But after Beetle Juice, Edward Scissorhands, and Corpse Bride, I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that we don't see eye to eye on relationships.

5. The Great Debaters (domestic gross to date: $25,633,630)

• Denzel Washington directs and stars in this inspiring true story of an all-black southern debate team coached by scholar and poet Melvin B. Tolson. A stirring racial epic, Washington actually resisted appearing in the film, but eventually cast himself due to funding concerns. Said Washington: "It's called money . . . They're not going to give enough money unless there's someone of a certain name to [act in] it." Yes, it's films like these that remind us of the many obstacles and prejudices money has had to overcome in running all facets of our lives.