Celebrities Continue to Attempt More Than "Looking Good in Front of Camera"

A recent Associated Press headline read, "Movie star writes whodunit." The movie star? Blair Underwood. I know, as soon as I read the lede, I also thought of Underwood's riveting performance as "geneticist" in Gattaca. And the list of films in which Underwood has "starred" just goes on and on: Covert One: The Hades Factor, Do Geese See God? (when he mesmerized us as "Man"), The Wishing Tree. It's really a "Best Of" selection from modern cinema.

Once I shook the dazzling light of Underwood's celebrity from my eyes, I was excited to read a sneak preview of his prose masterpiece, Casanegra:

It's not hard to imagine who [fictional detective] Tennyson Hardwick was patterned after. A struggling actor with charisma to spare and blessed with "The Face," a countenance so arresting that it reduces women to a mass of pulsating desire, the hero of "Casanegra" immediately evokes any number of Blair Underwood roles.

Hardwick, like many characters played by Underwood, is smooth and sophisticated, with a style that tends toward Bruno Magli shoes and Kenneth Cole leather jackets. He is also a struggling actor whose secret past as a highly paid gigolo rises up to haunt him after he becomes the prime suspect in the murder of a former client, a rap star-turned-actress named Afrodite.

It really does evoke "any number" of Underwood roles, such as . . . Anyway, what I like most about this book is that it provides Underwood with a forum to relive some painful memories of the past, especially his secret past as a highly paid gigolo. Most celebrities turn to writing and music to try and prove that their highly lucrative talents are even more wide ranging than we thought. Given how well they're paid, this practice is resentful and shallow. I, for one, am glad that Underwood has the courage to see writing as a means of self-expression, of confession, if you will. After all, isn't that what writing is meant to do?

But the Associated Press review isn't all fun and games. Writes Monica Rhor:

At times, the prose seems to be trying a bit too hard, and comes off like a parody of the genre. One line in particular stands out: "I felt Death blow on my face like hot wind from a speeding train."

And she would know what "trying a bit too hard" really means. Witness the very next paragraph:

But steamy sex scenes, action-packed confrontations, glimpses into the world of Hollywood's elite and unexpected plot twists keep the reader turning the pages — and as eager as Hardwick to uncover the real killer.

What Rhor doesn't realize, however, is that Underwood was probably weighed down by non-celebrity co-writers Steven Barnes and Tananarive Due (who, by the way, are married). I blame any bad writing on them.

The sheer ingenuity of Underwood's story and his ability to transform it into a novel all while starring in so many major films raises the question: why don't more B-list celebrities write novels about secret pasts filled with embarrassing work? Their books don't even need to be about the past:

Lindsay Lohan could write a mystery about a young, burnt out actress in rehab. While there, the murder of a neighboring patient grips the entire facility in terror. Our recovering actress is the only one who can get to the bottom of the slaying, a journey that takes her to the very heart of the film industry that ruined her.

Britney Spears could write a mystery about a young, burnt out singer in rehab. While, there, the murder of a neighboring patient grips the entire facility in terror. Our recovering singer is the only one who can get to the bottom of the slaying, a journey that takes her to the very heart of the music industry that ruined her. Then she could grow her hair back.

Kelsey Grammer and Robert Downey Junior could write similar novels.