Rush Hour 3 Caught in Traffic

Jackie Chan's new film, Rush Hour 3, has been banned in China. Though China's Film Bureau only licenses 20 foreign films per year, the move comes as some surprise because the first two Rush Hour films, aptly titled Rush Hour and Rush Hour 2, were huge successes in the Chinese market. A representative of China Film Group told the media that "We think it [Rush Hour 3] will not be popular in China." Some, however, remain skeptical of the official line, convinced that China's real motive for banning the film is "a scene which features a Chinese organised-crime family that Chan and his partner take on during a visit to Paris."

I suggest that New Line Cinema re-shoot the film in order to have it approved. I know it will be expensive, but the Chinese market represents huge profit potential. In order to save director Brett Ratner valuable time, I have a quick proposal for how to make the film palatable to Chinese authorities.

Instead of encountering an organized crime family in Paris, I propose Chan and partner Chris Tucker run into an official from China's Food and Drug Administration, who is vacationing in Paris on a drug company sponsored junket designed to coax him into approving unsafe medicines. Then, when they apprehend him, Chan and Tucker summarily execute him in the name of Chinese export legitimacy (in fact, as they discharge their firearms, they should literally yell: "Chinese export legitimacy!!!").

Alternatively, they can simply cut Chris Tucker out of the film, as I have little doubt his presence is the reason Chinese officials think the film "will not be popular in China."

In other news, American film industry insiders worry that, due to Chris Tucker's role in the film, Rush Hour 3 "will not be popular in the United States."