Toy Story: Cashcows in Disguise

Just got around to seeing Transformers with The Rake. Though I found it ridiculous that the only Autobot to die in the film is Jazz, the evidently black one, I nonetheless thought the film was palatable, despite a second opening credit that read "In Association with Hasbro." On the walk home, it occurred to both of us that there are a lot of other toys out there that would make sufficiently entertaining movies. Here are our other ideas for art that imitates life imitating things more fun than life:

Weebles (category: horror)- No one remembers when they began to appear. They looked like us. They talked like us. Unfortunately, the only thing they ate . . . was us. Now their invasion threatens the future of humanity and one man must find a way to stop them before it's too late.

Weebles. They wobble. But they just don't fall down.

Barbie: Out of Ken-trol (category: romance, coming-of-age)- Barbie had everything. The dream house. The convertible. Perfect outfits and all the accessories. Even the boyfriend everyone else wanted. But everything falls apart when she discovers that neither she nor Ken have genitals. Feeling shallow and plastic, she realizes her perfect life was also the perfect lie. She decides to leave everything behind and hit the open road. Soon, she discovers a man who will change all the rules and teach her how to bend her elbows.

For the girl with everything, the only accessory missing . . . is her heart.

Monopoly (category: sci-fi, thriller)- In 2100 the greatest disaster in history wiped out billions. Resources were scarce. Chaos reigned. In 2150, a new order rose from the ashes of the old. A tyrant known only as Rich Uncle Pennybags, who appears only as a man wearing a top hat and monocle, seized control and implemented a new system of social distribution. To eat, to sleep, to own anything, citizens were required to play a massive game. The stakes? A currency called Monopoly Money, the only tender legally redeemable for food.

Some call it a game of chance. Some call it a game of skill. But all call it a game of survival.

Monopoly. Will you be the wheelbarrow?

Legos (fantasy adventure)- In a world unlike our own, Drusina was an oddly masculine female pirate who wanted little more than to plunder in peace. But when all the corner bricks go missing (you know, the little connector thingy you always need but can't find in your huge box of legos), only Drusina has the power and the courage to find them. Moving one small raised bump at a time, she will encounter strange characters from other sets and occasionally lose her detachable head. But the one thing she will never do is give up.


Lego Maniac Battle Scene - The best video clips are here