Tuesday, 7 August 2007

Power Rankings

A weekly look at the bestseller lists, arbitrarily reordered according to how they SHOULD be doing (with the main criterion being how quickly I can generate a mildly amusing one-liner)

Books


1. A Thousand Splendid Suns, by Khaled Hosseini (NYT chart position: #1)
NYT description: "A friendship between two women in Afghanistan against the backdrop of 30 years of war
."
  • A beautiful tale that reminds us that friendship is about more than going to movies or late night chats, it's also about dodging land mines and mortar shells.
2. High Noon, by Nora Roberts (NYT chart position: #4)
NYT description: "A hostage negotiator must face down her unknown stalker
."
  • This seems fairly cut-and- dried until you learn that the hostage negotiator's one weakness is an inability to handle high-stress situations.
3. Lean Mean Thirteen, by Janet Evanovich (NYT chart position: #6)
NYT description: "The New Jersey bounty hunter Stephanie Plum becomes a suspect when her ex-husband disappears
."
  • And when the local authorities place a bounty on her head, Plum faces her greatest enemy yet: irony. To overcome this challenge, she must recruit the help of her father, who is a distinguished a professor, his dear friend Colonel Mustard and, of course, her trusty candlestick. Together, they will travel to the conservatory and track down the true killer.
4. Justice Denied, by J.A. Jance (NYT chart position: #8)
NYT description: "J. P. Beaumont’s investigation of a murder suggests a conspiracy in high places
."
  • And for dinner, his investigation suggests the fillet mignon with a watercress and fresh spinach salad.
5. Thursday Next, by Jasper Fforde (NYT chart position: #10)
NYT description: "In an alternative British universe, Thursday Next, a special operative in literary detection, must cope with a killer on the loose in the Bookworld
."
Film

1. The Bourne Ultimatum (August 3-5: #1, $69,283,690)
From the Yahoo description: "Having lost his memory and the one person he loved, he is undeterred by the barrage of bullets and a new generation of highly-trained killers.
"
  • I don't mean to be a party-pooper, but I'm pretty sure what makes bullets effective is that they don't care whether or not you're scared of them.
2. No Reservations (August 3-5: #7, $6,588,375)
From the Yahoo description: "A top notch female chef's life is turned upside-down when she must care of her niece after her sister is killed. She now has to adapt to a different lifestyle and uses food as a means to express her roller-coaster life
."
  • It's the feel good weight gain movie of the year.
3. Transformers (August 3-5: #8, $6,021,472)
From the Yahoo description: "The Earth is caught in the middle of an intergalactic war between two races of robots, the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons, which are able to change into a variety of objects, including cars, trucks, planes and other technological creations.
"
  • Give Michael Bay some credit. The film is actually a modern political allegory about partisan politics in the United States, where politicians from both parties are able to transform themselves into large cash donations.
4. Live Free or Die Hard (August 3-5: #13, $2,132,768)
From the Yahoo description: "On the July 4th holiday, an attack on the vulnerable United States
infrastructure begins to shut down the entire nation. The mysterious figure behind the scheme has figured out every modern angle -- but he never figured on an old-school "analog" fly in the "digital" ointment: John McClane. "
  • Exactly what kind of "rash" is that "ointment" being used for? This movie sounds kind of gross.
5. Becoming Jane (August 3-5: #16, $972,066)
From the Yahoo description: "The year is 1795 and young Jane Austen is a feisty 20-year-old and emerging writer who already sees a world beyond class and commerce, beyond pride and prejudice, and dreams of doing what was then nearly unthinkable - marrying for love. Naturally, her parents are searching for a wealthy, well-appointed husband to assure their daughter's future social standing.
"

  • Wow, that sounds like a really exciting conflict brewing. Maybe Jane Austen should have written books like that.

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