Power Rankings: Headline Edition

Got such a positive response to the Nobel Prize Edition of Power Rankings (good = 2 comments, woo hoo!) that I've decided to throw another Power Rankings curveball. Here are five headlines from my feed reader this week. No, I didn't read a single one of the articles, although I will link them for you.

1.) "Schwarzenegger Drug Comment 'Just a Joke'"

• What comment was that? "I never use steroids" or "Drugs are cool?" Maybe it was "I must have been taking drugs to do Kindergarten Cop."

2.) "Spears 'Furious' at Federline's Preferential Treatment"

• And by "furious" we mean drunk . . . and high.
  

3.) "Court TV Changing Name to truTV"

• The larger story would be if the world gave two shits. The only thing this changes is the cable television drinking game.

4.) "The Came. They Saw 'Saw'. It Conquered"

• [Head in hands, weeping]

5.) "Paris Hilton to Head to Rwanda Next Year"

• Just when Rwandans thought it was safe to go out again.