(George Lucas: maverick, innovator, owner of majestic beard)According to the Los Angeles Times, George Lucas has decided to develop a live-action Star Wars television series based on the multibillion dollar franchise. In order to prove, however, that his mind really is stuck somewhere a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, Lucas states that the new show contains none of the familiar inhabitants of the Star Wars universe. Says Lucas, "It has nothing to do with Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader or any of those people. It's completely different."
Phew, I'm sure glad it won't have any of those people. I mean, seriously, I'm not the only person who thought Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker and all that bizarre, oedipal family drama was just window dressing for the exciting and flamboyant adventures of C-3PO and R2-D2, right?
But just in case you weirdos think focusing on minor characters that no one gives two craps about might not be successful or interesting, George Lucas wants to remind you that you're wrong, stating unequivocally that "it's a good idea, and it's going to be a lot of fun to do."
Phew, I'm sure glad it won't have any of those people. I mean, seriously, I'm not the only person who thought Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker and all that bizarre, oedipal family drama was just window dressing for the exciting and flamboyant adventures of C-3PO and R2-D2, right?
But just in case you weirdos think focusing on minor characters that no one gives two craps about might not be successful or interesting, George Lucas wants to remind you that you're wrong, stating unequivocally that "it's a good idea, and it's going to be a lot of fun to do."
See, you Nervous Nellie? Lucas thinks it's a good idea so it must be good, just as good as his idea to cast Hayden Christensen as a young, frequently constipated Anakin Skywalker and his idea to cast Samuel L. Jackson as one of the wisest and most powerful Jedi Knights (Dark Side of the Force . . . urging me to link insane Samuel L. Jackson clips . . . cannot resist . . .).
Despite the "can't miss" appeal a vague sci-fi project that bears no relation to the original Star Wars sensation save for the name, Lucas's overtures to potential host networks have met with more reticence that excitement:
"They are having a hard time," Lucas said. "They're saying, 'This doesn't fit into our little square boxes,' and I say, 'Well, yeah, but it's "Star Wars." And "Star Wars" doesn't fit into that box.' "Damn right, Lucas! Star Wars isn't just a cut and dried action epic, where an unlikely hero rises up to save a galaxy in peril only to discover that his own past may be darker than he ever imagined a challenge he can only overcome by resorting to the care and affection of his own motley crew of allies and friends each troubled by his or her own problems/loves/affections/interests making for endearing interpersonal dramas in the ultimate quest for triumph and redemption.
See, you can't fit that into a box. In fact, it's not only too big for a box, it's also too dense to even accommodate punctuation. Big and dense. Like Lucas's beard. Whoa.
But just in case TV execs really are dumb enough to turn down Lucas, I have a plot idea that might help the new show gain some traction in Hollywood.
Title: Leia and C-3PO
Running Time: 22 min.
Genre: Situation Comedy
Leia is just your average 20-something working in New York for the first time. C-3PO is the robot who answers her want-ad for a roommate. Leia struggles to establish herself at the advertising firm where she works while juggling her many (and hilarious) male suitors. Most turbulent is her on-again/off-again relationship with young corporate attorney Han Solo. Meanwhile, C-3PO offers no shortage of dry relationship advice while engaged in his own sexual misadventures as a young, handsome, smart robot who is only into other robots. Along the way, they'll learn a little something about love and each other. R2-D2 as C-3PO's anthropocentric friend.
Sample Dialogue:
[Interior, Leia's Apartment, Living Room]
Leia tosses herself on the couch, exhausted
C-3PO: Have you had a rough day, roomie?
Leia: There's this guy I met at work. Some young, hot-shot lawyer representing the firm. I think he might be into me.
C-3PO: Sounds like a real catch. Unless, of course, there is a catch.
[Laughter]
Leia: There is. I just don't feel like I really speak his language.
Enter R2-D2 bleeping
Leia: No, R2, he's not foreign.
[Laughter]
C-3PO: Leia, perhaps I may be of some assistance. I'm very good at reading people. I am, after all, well versed in over 3,000 forms of communication.
R2-D2 bleeps again
C-3PO: No, I suppose you're right. I am not familiar with the language of love. Where is it--? [Pauses, look of robotic confusion crosses his metallic face then turns to anger] Love isn't a language! Why you little!
[Laughter]
C-3PO chases R2-D2 around the couch in fast time while zany 1930s piano music chimes in the background.
Well, Mr. Lucas, what do you think? I say it's a good start. Otherwise, the only other viable plot I can imagine would center on Star Wars fan favorite Admiral Ackbar. This clip says it all:
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