Power Rankings

A weekly look at the bestseller lists, arbitrarily reordered according to how they SHOULD be doing (with the main criterion being how quickly I can generate a mildly amusing one-liner)

Books

1. World Without End, by Ken Follett (NYT chart position: #1)
NYT description: "Love and intrigue in Kingsbridge, the medieval English cathedral town at the center of Follett’s 'Pillars of the Earth'."

• The original description read "Plague, poor hygiene and infant mortality in Kingsbridge . . ." but it made the book seem like kind of a downer. Needless to say, the actual novel contains no themes of dubious relevance to medieval life like "love and intrigue."
  

2. Dark of the Moon, by John Sandford (NYT chart position: #5)
NYT description: "Virgil Flowers, a character from 'Invisible Prey,' investigates three murders in a small Minnesota town."

• This week's runaway winner for the "Ridiculous Fictional Name" award. Who stars in the next Sandford book? Ovid Mountains? Tacitus Sandboxes?
  

3. Run, by Ann Patchett (NYT chart position: #8)
NYT description: "Two young black men, adopted in childhood by a Boston politician, encounter their birth mother and sister."

• Wait, I'm confused. Are the birth mother and sister the same person? If so, like, what the f@%k?

4. The Gift, by Richard Paul Evans (NYT chart position: #11)
NYT description: "A child with leukemia has the gift of healing."

• There's a word for that, but, ironically, it escapes me.
  

5. Where Angels Go, by Jeff Lindsay (NYT chart position: #11)
NYT description: "Another Christmas story featuring the angels Shirley, Goodness and Mercy."

• Is it just me or did Shirley get the shaft when all the angel names got handed out? "You're Justice, you're Charity and you're . . . hm . . . Roger?"
  

Film

1. 30 Days of Night (October 19-21: #1, $15,951,9)
From the Yahoo description: "In Barrow, Alaska, the northernmost town in the U.S, the winter sun sets and does not rise for 30 days and nights. From the darkness comes an evil force that strikes terror on the town, and all hope is pinned on a husband-and-wife cop team."

• My favorite game, "[Antonym] of [Antonym]." Let me play. 30 Dreams of Nightmares, 30 Flames of Ice, 30 Icicles of Flame (ooooh), 30 Men of Women, 30 Lives of Death, 30 Fears of Hope . . . Ok, I'm bored. Guess it isn't really my favorite game.
  

2. Michael Clayton (October 19-21: #6, $6,677,272)
From the Yahoo description: "Michael Clayton is an in-house 'fixer' at one of the largest corporate law firms in New York. A former criminal prosecutor, Clayton takes care of Kenner, Bach & Ledeen's dirtiest work at the behest of the firm's co-founder Marty Bach. "

• Enough is enough. How did Jackie's boyfriend in Roseanne become a serious actor? I need to know.
  

3. Gone Baby Gone (October 19-21: #5, $5,501,406)
From the Yahoo description: "Two young private detectives are hired to take a closer look at the mysterious disappearance of a little girl and soon discover that nothing is what it seems."

• Ben Affleck directed this film. (You think I can come up with a better joke than that?)
  

4. We Own the Night (October 19-21: #7, $5,420,793)
From the Yahoo description: "Bobby Green has turned his back on the family business. The popular manager of El Caribe, the legendary Russian-owned nightclub in Brooklyn's Brighton Beach, he has changed his last name and concealed his connection to a long line of distinguished New York cops."

• Mark Wahlberg and Joaquin Phoenix. Sigh. It just brings tears to my eyes to think how great this film could have been if Donnie Wahlberg and River Phoenix were still alive. Wait, what? Donnie Wahlberg is still alive? Oh. Awkward.
  

5. Rendition (October 19-21: #, $4,060,012)
From the Yahoo description: "A thriller that centers on Isabella El-Ibrahimi, the American wife of Egyptian-born chemical engineer Anwar El-Ibrahimi, who disappears on a flight from South Africa to Washington. Isabella desperately tries to track her husband down, while a CIA analyst at a secret detention facility outside the U.S. is forced to question his assignment as he becomes party to the man's unorthodox interrogation."

• Another of the throng of contemporary political comments offered to the movie going masses. Jake Gyllenhaal predictably stars as "Extremely Earnest." Seriously, that's his name. I swear.